This is not meant to be an opinion piece, although there will surely be opinions. It is not meant to explore the depths of Grace, Faith and Religion, but some will be explored. It is really intended to share an experience from the past few months.
On the first day of this year a friend of mine lost her daughter to a long battle with cancer. This is not a super close friend but someone with a shared experience from last summer. She left an impact with her energy and her spirit that is so special. It is hard to describe to be honest but just an incredible woman in a lot of ways. Again, we are not very close friends, and I didn't know her daughter who passed at all. Never met. I do know another daughter, again a very little bit. The importance in knowing how these relationships are sort of peripheral is important as the impact this woman has had on me has been so great.
At the same time I have another much closer friend, actually family of friends, who are celebrating the 25th year since their Mother passed away from Cancer. This family, these people, have had a positive impact on me since I was a kid. Since long before their Mother died. One of the kids themselves (love calling people in their 40s kids!) has battled cancer twice and presents with a grace and dignity and love... it is truly incredible.
OK, back on to the point, I could get off track for long time on that. I can't explain how my heart hurt for these families. Some sadness for sure, but their Grace, their Faith is something that helps me quite a bit.
I struggle with faith. I always have. I love science, and am amazed by the universe and how it all comes together. I have always had a strong belief in God, in Universal Energy, in an all connecting spirit. When you stand high above Yosemite Valley and look down, and take it all in, the beauty can overwhelm. It is hard to not feel that with your spirit. I can look across that valley, thinking of John Muir and some of his essays and analyze the different physical experiences that created that valley. But I have never been able to separate the spiritual experience of that. The same feeling comes over me sitting on the ocean. Being on top of mountains, listening to great music, reading great works, transcribing musical thoughts written tens even hundreds of years ago, reading code written by people who are simply artists. To me, there is a common thread, and love, a peace, a God in those experiences.
I am horrified by atrocities carried out by 'people of faith'. I am disgusted by politicians and political groupies who hang their platforms on their 'religions' and then do horrible things. They marginalize people in horrible ways. When religion gives people an excuse to put other things in front of love, in front of peace, in front of understanding, I am lost. Believing that ones beliefs are in some way more valid or real than others (I get the obvious irony here!) hits me the wrong way and causes me to want to distance myself from my Church or that community. I have always, since a young kid, felt pushed away from my Church. I'm not a good conformist. I don't do what people want or say just because. I'm a cynic, I need evidence, I need to understand and believe before I commit.
I am blown away by people who can handle what seem to be the worst situations with a peace and love that not only seems to guide them but infects those around them. People who can suffer inside, clearly struggle with their situation and address the world with elegance and grace. I am blown away, possibly because I envy that. I don't have it, I don't feel it. When shit is bad for me, I feel like I have a hard time not wearing it on my sleeve. I would love to be able to handle all of my struggles with poise and grace.
Out of these three concepts, Grace, Faith and Religion. It seems clear to me that Grace is the most complex. Grace is what we say at dinner with the family, giving thanks for what we have and what we are about to receive. Grace is a divine assistance and spiritual renewal. Grace is a state of being, it is an act or even an exemption. It is also that trait we have seen in so many. It is a fluency, an effortless way to move through time and space.
Musically a 'grace note' is one that just subtly introduces or sets up the target tone. The subtle grace note is one that makes the listener think, something cool was just there but I'm not quite sure what it was. Grace has also been a title.
Whatever it is, it is powerful. Hearing a Mom and a Dad eulogize their daughter, in a service with such incredibly inspired music, such a powerful and moving sermon from a priest with a connection to his listeners that is inspired, empathetic, non-judgmental... This experience will stay with me for a while. Hearing my friend speak of her daughter and her spirit in an emotionally controlled yet expressive way was inspired. Seeing the family greet 1000 people after the service allowing them to share well wishes and condolences, wow, that looked hard. It is difficult to describe the impact or how it felt. I shed a lot to tears but left with so much hope and inspiration. This Mom, this woman, this Mother, is Grace, she is Graceful, she has been inspired by Grace and that is her gift to the rest of us.
Seeing my friends publicly show the love for their Mom who passed away 25 years ago. Share stories, pictures, memories. It shows so much grace. Their Mom was a very faithful person and lived a life, and lived through her illness with incredible Grace. People still tell stories of what an amazingly thoughtful, smart, and Graceful woman she was. That was her gift to her family and to the rest of us.
These three areas have been so top of mind lately and everything seems to have come together during the Funeral Mass Last week. Faith is our path to understanding of powers greater than us, of the Tao, of a Universal Spirit and connection. Faith allows us to believe in things that are unbelievable. Faith allows us to love those who hate us, be peaceful with people who are aggressive towards us. Faith gives us the courage and power to listen, to understand, to accept others and their beliefs. Religion, with all of the negative, give us a context, and community, a building to share experiences and celebrate our 'Faith' with a common lexicon. Grace is the gift we receive and it is the gift that comes through us to those around us.
I hope to live a more Graceful and Faithful life. Religion I get, but I can take or leave it. The walls around Religion and the us vs. them has always been my struggle. I do contribute and participate in my Religion and my Church, but my Faith defines me more than the organization. I am thankful for the gifts from my friends, needed gifts for sure.
